Chapter 62 Bella's Goodbye

Edwards Eternal Kiss

Chapter 62

  

Bella's Goodbye

~X~X~X~Bella~X~X~X~

“Isabella. I need you to wake up sweetheart.” I hear that honeyed voice and it soothes me at first, that is until I realize I am vulnerable. I don’t know what is happening and I launch myself away from the vampire that is near me. Instinct takes over. I crouch and protect myself. Where the fuck am I?”

“Hey Kitten.” Edward says in a soothing tone. “You are alright.”

“What the fuck happened?” I hissed.

That was when I noticed Dr. Cullen standing there.

“Isabella can you tell me a few things about what you felt before you passed out?”

“Edward?” I bolted for him and locked onto his body hugging him. “What happened to me?”

“You are fine sweetheart. I just need to know…Edward said you have done this before when you were human right?”

“Yes.” I muttered. Squeezing him. I was sort of scared a little.

“Do you remember that?”

“Yes. I was with Edward.”

“Isabella when you two are otherwise engaged in well you know…do you think this has anything to do with why you passed out?”

After a thousand questions and answer session with Dr. Cullen he determines that Edward has a tendency to overwhelm me to the point of fainting. I snort out a laugh but the more I think about it the more I start to realize it makes sense. He makes me feel so much all at once and I am overwhelmed by it sometimes. The love he has for me astounds me. How does one accept someone who loves them so deeply? I love Edward too but there are times when I feel like his seems so much more grounded and his heart stopping beauty just stuns me. I feel like I can’t ever live up to what he loves and treasures so dearly. 

I mean really what do you say to the guy that tells you he waited over a hundred years for you?

There aren't words for that statement.

When Edward says “I love you.” Everything around me ceases to exist.

I don’t need air but I gasp for it anyway. I love him but I don’t know how to express it any more than I already do. 

Tia suggested to me that to submit fully to him for more than a twenty four hour period during a week would show him how much I am committed to him.

Over the course of the next month Ben felt that Edward had completed what needed to be done and our relationship had morphed to involve more of our D/s lifestyle.

We certainly didn’t live the lifestyle like Ben and Tia. She was his submissive 24/7 and she was comfortable with that. She explained to me how when they are out with friends that they are just themselves, but when it’s just them behind closed doors she abides his every wish and desire.

I have to laugh at her sometimes because Tia had informed me that she literally orgasms when she kneels for Ben. It is one of the things he requests of her often just to watch her do it.

I mean he is pretty fucking sexy but really? I still laugh when I imagine it. Then I stop imagining it because well…that is just a visual I don’t need in my head. Hell I have Edward for that!

I loved submitting myself to Edward to play but to be commanded to heel at his side in our own home just felt a little off to me. He agrees and I am glad.

After Ben had given him the okay to move forward, Edward threw himself into training me. Our training sessions were always pretty intense. He was molding me and what I loved the most is that this beautiful soul cared about my feelings before he asked something of me.The problem was it didn't help me feel like I was a true submissive.

I know that when you are a submissive you give yourself over fully and let your Master decide what is and isn’t best for you. Edward was different. He wanted me to help him decide those things.

I had him do something he was hesitant to do.

I made him make out a list without any thoughts to my feelings on them.

“I need you to tell me what you expect of me Edward. Just make a list of things you want! Not what you think I want or don’t want.”

It was then that I had realized Edward would slip into a subdominant persona at times.

My big strong Dom could not help his true nature to love and care about what I thought.

I would never begrudge him for that. How could I?

His behavior in the playroom became a guide to his likes and dislikes. I could instantly tell if he didn’t like something and so I figured out how to manipulate those into that list. 

I learned to express my self and we experimented a lot.It was a huge learning process but I wouldn't want it any other way than with Edward. 

The man had skills. Being a Dominant to a coven of horny women gave the man some serious skills.

He could play my body like an instrument. 

Stop thinking about his skills Bella. Sheesh. Don’t gush…don’t gush…

One of his huge turn-on’s is still trying so desperately to con me into telling him about my experiment in college with a girl. He would try so hard to convince me to share the story but I wasn’t giving it up. He tried the pouty lip. The sad puppy eyes. The hanging his head in defeat. Finally, I decided to hand it to him on a silver platter when he came up with an epic way to make his siblings apologize for their mistreatment of me recently.

Of course they were not going to hear about it until right before it was to happen but were they in for a surprise when they did finally realize what he had up his sleeve. 

For that, I was indebted to him because to see them go through this was going to be hilarious.

So that was when I decided to reward him that night after the introductory celebration of the LA Hellions. 

I dug out my USC days clothing. I knew instantly he was going to love this. Then it suddenly hit me that I had completely forgotten about my schooling. I was so wrapped up in Edward and this life that I had not realized that registration had come and passed. My life was so very different than it was six months ago.

I sat here at the foot of the bed as things became so abundantly clear that my life in Los Angeles was going to soon come to an end.

I certainly couldn’t go back to school.

I held the tiny little football jersey I used to wear to sleep in my hand. It was short barely covering my tits. It was worn as I obviously loved it. But it seemed like it was a life time long ago.

The tiny shorts that I wore with it were going to literally kill the man. To see me in this would do him in.

Maybe it was a bad idea.

No. It wasn’t it was good one and I knew it was because the hard on he got when he brought up that whole phone conversation we had so long ago was pretty fucking hard.

My Edward was a bit of a pervert and I had to wonder how he didn’t get excited seeing Tanya do Heidi. I thought about asking him but I didn’t want to mention them out of respect.

It still bothered me though until he offered me some information about it. I listened with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. I wanted to know.

“It is funny you know. How you see Emmett check out a cheerleader.” He observed.

“How does he do it?” He was obviously talking to himself that day more than me. We were watching the tryouts on video for the football team. Esme was recording it and she zooms in on Emmett eyeing a tall blonde cheerleader.

I laughed as you see a hand come out of the side of the camera angle and smack him upside the back of the head. The camera shakes and I know for a fact that Esme is cracking up.

My family. God love them.

The look on Em’s face is so boyish. Then he looks over at the area where the hand came from and flashes those cheeky dimples. Finally, Esme pans over, you see Rosalie eyeing him with daggers, and you can hear Alice barking commands about uniforms and that the girls need to meet up prior to the fittings.

Edward sits there looking sort of lost as he now stares off into space.

“Why Bella?” he whispers.

“Why what Edward?”

“Why do I not react to anyone but you? What is it about you that does this to me?”

He looks at me and I see that look.

My look.

“I wished I knew that myself.” I whispered back."I would never complain about it though."

See. Overwhelmed. It is a lot of pressure to live up to this being he has created.

But I sure as hell am going to give it a damned good try.

I stand up, walk over, and kneel at his feet.

“My beautiful Bella. How did I ever get so lucky?”

I bow my head and lay it on his knee. His hand runs through my hair caressing it.

I love him with every last cell of my being.

I am his.

He is mine.

“Kitten?”

I lift my head and look up at him.

“Are you ever going to tell me about your college romp? Maybe I need to command it of you.” He smirks down at me nodding towards the cheerleaders on the screen.

See, I told you. Pervert.

It doesn’t go unnoticed that he is hard.

My perverted little vamp.

“Someday.” I whisper.

He smiles.

“I need you collared now.” He commands.

“Yes Master.”

That was a great session on training in control. Our sessions were growing in frequency.

It seemed like the last couple of months we were in the playroom at least once a day.

Sometimes we never left it until the next.

I loved being a vampire and I would never regret this decision. There was one thing I did regret and I knew it was a long time coming that I had to deal with it.

Sooner rather than later, I was going to have to give closure to my family and so while Edward handled the final details for the big night at the stadiums celebration, I took a day and I flew back to Oregon to meet with Dr. Cullen.

~X~X~X~

“Isabella?”

“Yes.”

“Sweetheart. I know that this is difficult but you need to stay focused.”

“Yes Carlisle. I am sorry. It’s that damn vampy newborn in me.” I force a smile.

“I have seen to all the arrangements. Your death has been carefully planned. Edward obviously isn’t handling this well. In fact, he isn’t handling it well at all. Are you sure this is the way you want this to go down?”

He has that fatherly gleam in his eye. But I also see the worry behind those beautiful topaz eyes of his. I noticed it quickly. The Cullen’s carry Topaz to butterscotch colored eyes.

Edward’s are my fourteen-carat golden eyes. They always will be.

“Carlisle. I love him with all my heart. But he has to understand that I need this just as much as my family. He gets to keep me. They don’t so he is just going to have to get through this. He isn’t as fragile as you all make him out to be sometimes. This family tiptoes around him and I know it is because you all care for him. But he is an adult. He needs to be treated like one. I love you all dearly but this is my life. It is also my death and I want to plan every detail so that my family has the closure they need. Edward is just going to have to spend a day to deal with it.” I won’t budge on this.

“I didn’t mean it in a disrespectful way…I am sorry that seemed rather callous the way that came out Bella. What I meant is that…well I will be very honest here sweetheart, but my concerns lie with the mere fact that Edward hasn’t grieved your death yet and I only know this through experience Bella. I have had to grieve for each one of my beloved family member during their change. I grieved the hardest for that boy that is out there now with his brothers working hard to plan a successful event tomorrow night that will change Los Angeles and make it better. I care about him deeply and my concerns lie with the mere facts already presented. He can’t even be present to discuss the details. He isn’t handling it. Therefore, I am only to assume that when we are sitting there and your eulogy is being read that my son is going to be struck with a grief he doesn’t realize is still buried within him. I am also worried about my soon to be daughter in law who is going to have to watch her family suffer because she made this choice and the blame she is going to try to shoulder all her own. I am worried about both of you. I cannot help it. It is a father’s prerogative.” He gives me a sad smile. “I hope you don’t hate me for that.” he adds.

“I never thought of like that. Your right. He is going to grieve. His grief is going to be very real. Maybe the casket needs to be changed.”

“No. I cannot do that. Edward has insisted on it. It may be your death. However, he is your mate and Edward decides what you are buried in. That is not your choice. You have to give him that Isabella. You just have to. I promised him and I won’t back down on it. I am sorry.”

“But really Carlisle. Glass?” I blew out a huge puff of air out of my lips.

“He is scared to death Bella please understand. He has to be able to see you. He can’t lose sight of you Bella. Alice agrees and well I have to protect him. Alice is sure that so long as he can see you he can get through this…otherwise it just ends badly.”

“It is just so…God…Sgt Pepper!” I scowled scrunching my nose up at the thought.

He laughed.

“I am glad my final place of rest has you so amused.” I smirked at the big Ken doll.

“Not the death Bella. Your attitude is just adorable sometimes. You are so meant for him it astounds me.” He chuckles but his eyes gaze off to the past and he starts remembering aloud.

“I remember when he asked me once if he could be gay.” He gave me a sad smile.

“He was so unsure and so self conscious.”

“And so Edward.” I imagined.

“Yes.” He said softly.

“You have changed the boy I call my son and turned him into a man.”

I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.

“He is still a boy don’t kid yourself.” I snorted out embarrassingly.

We laughed until we stopped.

“Are you sure I can pull this off? I mean I know vampires can sit as still as stone but…”

“You are a vampire Isabella. You are cold. You will be touched. Kissed. Shed tears over. But you have to remember the one thing more than anything else sweetheart, you are in fact dead so it should not be a problem to play it.”

And there it was.

I died.

I was in fact dead. 

Wow.

Now I understood Edward’s reactions. I had come to realize that my impending funeral that he and his family were planning and attending was going to be as real as it actually was. It wasn’t a facade as I had originally thought it would be.

No.

I was dead and even though when it was all said and done, I got to go home with Edward. However this would be the day that he mourned taking my life in the meadow that day. He still had yet to say goodbye to my human form. This was going to be the hardest thing he had ever done.

The reason I knew this was going to be so extraordinarily difficult was because of the way he looked at me.

I see that look everyday.

My look. 

This would kill him if it were real. But to him it will be. 

I sat here across from the beautiful enigmatic super sized Ken doll and to see his expression change when I reached up and wiped the tears away made me feel self conscious. 

He couldn’t believe it if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes.

“Sorry. It just sort of happens when I think about him to be hurt.”

“Amazing.” He sits back in his chair looking stunned.

Sexy…but stunned.

I give him a sad sort of smile but my heart longs for Edward and Carlisle can hear it in my heavy sigh.

“Go. We are done here. Tell my son I said hello…Oh and Isabella…I can’t wait for the day you officially become my daughter.” He winks as I get up to leave.

Fuck, he is so Hawt!

“Thank you Carlisle.”

He smiles and stands to lead me out of his office so that I can go meet Edward back in LA for tomorrow nights huge celebration at the new stadium.

Back to the arms of the man I am going to marry in just a mere two weeks…yes…in two weeks I will become Mrs. Edward Anthony Cullen.

It will be one week to the day after my funeral.

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