Chapter 30 Death Wish

Edward's Eternal Kiss

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Chapter 30

DEATHWISH

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~x~X~x~BELLA~x~X~x~

I stood in the bathroom and gazed at myself in the mirror. Did I really just do that?

I didn’t even know girls could do that. I didn’t even talk to Edward about it because I was a cross between embarrassed and well embarrassed. He acted as if it was no big deal.

But hell did I or did I not just pee all over the room barely missing him?

He said it would feel like it but I wouldn’t. Well wrap me in foil and call me a Ding-Dong but I swear to god I did. Oddly, though now I had to go pee. So it made no fucking sense! All I knew was that was by far the most mind blowing orgasm ever! He was fucking right! I want to do it again…so long as I know I am actually not peeing all over him. He is mine and all but to mark him like a dog does a fire hydrant just seems all kinds of wrong. Hell I shuddered again just standing here remembering that feeling.

I knew at some point before we left here I was going to talk to Tia about this. Tia and I have become pretty close and for some reason I trust her. She so openly shared with me about her submission to Ben she had me blushing but she told me that if I had any questions weather it be about submission or sex that she would happily answer anything she could. Well Tia girlfriend…I got a whopper of a question for you!

What the fuck was that I just did?

I was stunned to find that Edward had safe worded. I thought he wanted me to do this for him. I was still confused about the whole thing and he didn’t want to talk about it before which I could totally understand because we were in the heat of a pretty intense scene.

I have to admit everything with Edward just buzzes by me so fast sometimes I feel like I am sitting still and the world around me is just on warp speed.

It is their speed that doesn’t really scare me but it leaves me feeling tense. I am already clumsy so the fast pace in which they move when it’s just me around is very stressing. I feel like a snail around a bunch of energizer bunnies hopped up on speed.

Edward is just…god there are no words. I don’t believe he is real sometimes. I want to be with him constantly and then there are times when I need to breath because he sucks the fucking air out of my lungs when he is near. Does that make any sense? And yeah I am starting to notice things more around me when it comes to him. Like the way the room became a low hum when he exposed himself. I wondered what the females in the room thought but I couldn’t dwell on anyone else I had to stay focused. How could I not when he in all his beauty is right there before me. God the memory of the look on his face when I looked up to see him watch me just makes my heart speed up again.

Tonight was heaven and I would do it all over again if he wanted. I didn’t regret what happened and I wouldn’t because as far as I was concerned he and I were the only ones there.

I stood here in front of this mirror staring at myself and my buzz was gone a hell of a long time ago and I can feel my muscles ache. I put on my bikini and seriously needed to go in the Jacuzzi and relax my muscles. They were a little tense and stiff from the swing and the chair. Hell my body wasn’t even in control when he pulled his fingers out and I orgasm. Talk about toe curling! I needed to relax and I went out and asked Edward to join me. I knew there would be people downstairs but I didn’t care. I just hoped the Jacuzzi was empty so we could relax alone.

I wanted to just cuddle with my vampire right now.  

Okay why does that just sound weird? Cuddling vampires. I roll my eyes and giggle.

I was ready for Edward to change me. I had thought about it and figured I would do a one big loop around the globe to see my family. I would go visit my mother, make a stop by my fathers, and maybe go see Jacob one last time before I was ready to step into his world. I wanted him of that I had no doubt. I felt connected to him the first time I laid eyes on him in that photo Jessica showed me so long ago. I never realized it was a connection really, I thought I was just attracted to him or had some sort of crush—no, it was definitely deeper than that.

I belonged to him now and I felt comfortable in his world. He had spent over a hundred years alone in it and I can’t believe that he waited for me. Me…Isabella Swan. A plain ordinary girl—who was nothing spectacular,—but when I looked into his eyes,—he clearly thought I was everything and then some. I wanted to be all of that just for him.  

I loved his family. God they are the family I always dreamed of having but wasn’t allowed to experience.

Emmett is just god…the best example of a big brother any girl could ask for. Jasper was just as protective of his family also. Now granted Dr. C is ughh.. Damn him for being sexy but what’s a girl to do when you look at a Greek god and try not to notice? Seriously.

Rosalie and Alice are just a bust. We had so much fun when we were in that tiny town just going from one side of the street to the other. Even in the old Cemetery, I could see the longing in Rosalie’s eyes for a child. She noticed that back then it seemed like there were many graves that had children in them when we read their headstones. I was pretty sure she would make a damn good mother too. However I was stunned to find that Emmett was her submissive. He just seemed too burly to be a sub. But then again Rosalie had a way about her that made her seem like she could easily slip into the persona with grace.

Alice was like the little sister I never had. She was funny, sweet, and giggly, giddy a little hyper…ok no make that a hell of a lot of hyperactive but she was manageable in small doses.

How could I not want all of them to be my extended family?

Edward and I made our way down to the kitchen and it as well as the rest of the rooms were packed full of people.

“Edward, why don’t you go get me one of them yummy margarita’s and I will squeeze through here and grab some fruit and maybe some cheese and we can meet out by the Jacuzzi?” He agreed and we went our separate ways. I was pretty sure he went happily so the bartender couldn’t ogle me like he had earlier.

Silly jealous vampire. My God Edward owned me heart body and soul and no one would ever be able to take me away from him. Ever!  

I had just put some grapes and some melon in a bowl and grabbed a napkin, then I stumbled and dropped the damn bowl and it went all over the floor. I picked it up and since I couldn’t physically get to the trash in the kitchen, I headed for the one just outside the back door. It was so crowded in here and we had been throwing trash out all day out here so I just stepped out the door to toss it in the barrel. I had just closed the lid and was to the door when I felt someone’s hot breath on my neck behind me and I knew it wasn’t Edward. Edward’s smelled like honey and lust and his breath was sweet and so cool. This breath was hot and reeked of alcohol and a rancid old leather smell.  

Instantly the hair on my neck raised and I knew it was him. I knew it without a doubt. It was that same feeling I had all night when I was near him. The guy with the bloody Master collar on.

I turned to look over my shoulder at him and his eyes were jet black, but his hands weren’t cold when he grabbed my wrist. He was human and I was glad he could not smell my fear or hear my heart thundering in my chest. The look in his eyes was frightening. That look made my blood curdle. I stepped away and his fingers tightened slightly. I knew he wasn’t going to let me go so easily so I just stayed still for a second until he was distracted and within a minute his eyes moved down to my body and I knew this was the only chance to run.

I turned yanking my hand as hard as I could and bolted for the door running but he was so fast and I was so god damn clumsy that he was on me before I knew it. I couldn’t even find my voice to scream. My mouth and throat were so fucking dry. I made it through the door and into the crowd of people in the kitchen trying to make it to Edward. I barely turned the corner before he reached out from behind me gripping my wrist again to spin me around into him. I wasn’t sure if it was the leather jacket that looked so torn up or the anger burning in his eyes or worse that scary fucking thick black collar that looked like he was bleeding from his neck and spelled out the words Master that had scared me more.

That was until he spoke. I was sickened and shaking and I was just about ready to attempt to scream when everything happened so quickly. I couldn’t move as he now pressed his body into me pushing all the air out of my lungs making it difficult to even breathe with my back to the wall. I could feel his body pressing even harder against me and I closed my eyes when his voice was so low, his face too close to my ear as he spoke so only I could hear the horrible words he said.

“Damn you are too fucking sexy in an adorable way little girl. I have been fantasizing about doing some really bad things to that sweet ass of yours all fucking nightlong. Why don’t you be a good little bitch and drop on your knees and get my cock ready to introduce it to your sweet tight little ass.”

My heart was pounding in my chest as his fingers tighten when I don’t respond right away to his demand. Before I could even cry out in pain again, Edward had appeared out of nowhere.

“Take your motherfucking hands off her!” His voice was so loud I could see the window rattle. The tone of his voice was so deep and full of pure rage seething out of him. I turned my head to look at Edward. His body was in a strange stance nearing what looked like a crouch.

"NOW MOTHERFUCKER!!!" Edward snarled at him and he finally dropped my wrist and stepped back holding his hands up in some sort of surrender.

Edward was next to me now and he reached out and took my hand into his checking it over carefully. He wrapped his hand around it and pressed his coldness to it, I assumed to keep it from swelling. His eyes shot back to look at the asshole now. His words were fierce as he laid into the guy and threatened his life between clenched teeth. “You knew she is collared and you KNOW she BELONGS to ME I don’t care who the FUCK YOU ARE! Turn around and go if you want to leave here alive.” He seethed.

The guy shrugged and said “Yeah so she is collared so what! I could care less if you decided to bang my sub’s ass. I am not going anywhere man she has been eyeing me all night. It isn’t my fault you can’t keep her fulfilled.” He snorted.

Every person that was now watching this unfold around us, gasped. Edward’s eyes narrowed in even more anger at him.

This guy was an idiot.

“Come on Cullen relax it’s a fucking sex party. Some of us don’t mind sharing.” He added non-chalantly.

“I DON’T SHARE!” Edward growled as he raged in all his fury.

“That really is too bad because she would look so fucking hot in ponytails that I could hold onto while I fucked the hell out that sweet little mouth.” And he mocked a simulation of his hips as he gave us a visual of the act.

My eyes widened in utter disbelief. This guy had a death wish!

Edward snapped.

I knew Edward had a temper I had seen it in Oregon. But this…this was something all together different. He was tempestuous. His eyes were blacker than coal and his veins that weren’t full of blood but what I assumed to be venom had bulged out of his neck, chest, and biceps all the way down to his tightly fisted hands.

“I am going to rip your fucking head off!” he seethed baring his teeth spitting and hissing.

My god.

He was gorgeous in all his fury.

I couldn’t help it.

I couldn’t have controlled it even if I wanted to.

I fucking gushed as I stood here next to him literally turned on by the magnificence of his anger and his possessiveness. His eyes snapped to me for a split second his nostrils flaring and he lunged towards this guy and had him by the throat pressed up against the wall choking him.

Within seconds Ben, Emmett, and Jasper had a hold of Edward trying to calm him down, pulling him off.

“EDWARD DON’T! EDWARD…LET GO OF HIM!” Jasper yelled.

He coughed and rubbed his throat once he was able to breathe after it took all three of them to get Edward to release the guy from his grasp. Edward hissed and snarled as Ben and Jasper held onto him.

Emmett turned to him and said, “Dude if you want to make it out of this party alive I suggest you leave right now before I let my brother hand you your ass on a silver fucking platter.” Emmett’s fists were clenched now and I knew he was defending me right along with Edward as Emmett’s eyes were darkening by the second.

“Afton I would appreciate it if you would leave my home. You or your Submissive are no longer welcome here. To disrespect a submissive is uncalled for and you truly don’t deserve one that so freely gives herself to you if you treat her the way you have disrespected Miss Swan here.” Ben stepped right in front of Emmett and said. “You know that no one is to touch another person without their permission to do so first but more importantly that a collared sub is forbidden to be approached without their Dominant’s consent. Now would be a very good time for you both to just turn around and depart.”

This Afton guy glared at me over Ben’s shoulder. Jasper snapped at him, “Don’t even fucking look at her!” Jasper yelled and Afton stupidly muttered “Your barely cute darling. Don’t know what all the fuss is about unless you’re still a virgin.” He snorted.

Ben had his arm bent around his back now. Emmett’s nostrils were flaring as he cussed him out. “You punk ass mother fucker! How stupid can you fucking be? Edward is right I don’t care who the fuck you are, say one more thing and I may reconsider my next choice for a fucking meal...and trust me when I say I like to play with my food!”

Jasper walked ahead of Ben as he shoved Afton toward the front door and offered, “Let me get the door for you there Ben.” As Ben shoved Afton out hard causing him to fall on his knees. His little submissive ran out to help him up from the ground. He spat out “Fuck you! You don’t know who you’re fucking with!!” He stood up, and stormed off towards the valet's with the little meek submissive in tow.

I turned back to Edward and touched his arm, his hand reached outcradling my wrist again.

Edward stood there his nostrils were flared and he was glaring at me like he had never glared at me before.

“Edward.” I whispered.

He started to speak to Ben but his eyes were locked on me. I felt like a mouse in a cage with the sexiest hungriest of snakes ready to strike at any moment.

“If you don’t mind Ben I would like to take Isabella upstairs.” He said through clenched teeth.

“Certainly Edward. Go right ahead. Don’t worry about anything down here.” He turned and took my hand into his. His breaths were exaggerated hard and suddenly Tia appeared with an icepack and handed it to Edward. He handed me the pack and I draped it on my wrist. With his hands on my hips, I walked in front of him up the stairs. He opened the door to our room and let me walk in as he followed. He closed it and locked it. He turned to me still full of anger. 

“I want to know something Kitten and you better answer me truthfully.” He demanded, his tone had changed and it wasn’t as angry but it wasn’t the tone I was used to when Edward talked to me.

“What?” I asked with a little apprehension. I was still not sure where this anger towards me was coming from.  

“What the fuck happened down there just now Kitten? What the fuck was it that got that sweet little pussy that belongs to me so excited that you grew wetter during that entire scenario?” His voice raised louder as he spoke and he leaned down towering over me looking me right in the eyes and commanded, “Look at me when you answer that Isabella." 

His dominant persona was in place again and I couldn't help it when I blushed furiously.

“DON’T FUCKING HESITATE! ANSWER ME!” 

He startled me and I actually flinched back from his words and the fury that was behind them.

“You…I mean when you were well…um angry and…I’m sorry I couldn’t help it! You do that to me! It’s not my fault!”

A tear slipped down my cheek and then his eyes softened, and his brow furrowed. He grabbed at his hair with both hands and pulled them through it fiercely.

“Oh Kitten…I am fucking sorry! God baby come here.” He pulled me over to the bed and cradled me in his lap. 

“God I am screwing up left and right tonight! I am loosing my fucking mind!”

It dawned on me why he reacted that way.

“Did you think that I got excited because of him?” I asked shocked pulling back from him.

“I had no idea.” He whispered. His face looked so pained and he looked like a lost little boy. But still I was a little bit pissed. “Please Edward give me more credit than that.” I scoffed.

“You are the only one that has ever gotten that reaction out of me.” I suddenly remembered I was still his sub for the next several hours.I truly had to watch my tone with him.

“My anger excited you?” His expression was one of bemusement.

I shrugged. “That and how possessive you are becoming.” I replied softly looking down at my wrist now.

“You have some strange turn on’s Bella.” He shook his head completely bewildered.

“Everything about you turns me on.” I whisper and his breath hitched.

“Is that so?” a slow devious smile spreads over his lips.

I nod and he gives me a soft smile. “How is your wrist Kitten?”

“It’s not that bad. It may bruise but it doesn’t hurt.”

He rested his head on my shoulder and whispered, “I almost snapped his neck. I was so close…sooo sooo sooo fucking close. I knew there were too many people around watching. Witnesses. I couldn’t do it but God how I wanted to. There was no way I could risk everything and in Tia and Ben’s home. I want to kill him Kitten. I really want to go and find him and rip his head off.”

“Edward…I am sorry. Maybe I gave him the wrong impression.” I muttered.

Edward looked up at me. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

“I noticed him staring at me a couple of times throughout the night. He scared me a little and I just looked away. Maybe he took it like I was interested or something?”

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” he looked a cross between angry and hurt.

“I don’t know. I just sort of tried to ignore him but he gave me the creeps kind of like James. He was human right?” I asked.

“Yes. But his submissive isn’t.” He shook his head.

“What?”

“Chelsea is his submissive. She is a vampire.”

“Ok that is just weird how is that possible?”

“Jesus Bella how the hell am I supposed to know. I don’t read them well. Something is up with those two. It has always been that way for me when it comes to them. I am not sure why but I know she is gifted but I think he may be too if she were to change him. I just don’t know what that gift would be. Sometimes I can hear them and other times I don’t hear anything. Alice can’t see them either sometimes. That is why she probably didn’t warn us.”

“So only some people have gifts when they are turned?”

“Yes.”

“Huh.”

“Bella…what are you thinking?” he asked.

“Well if you can’t hear me and you can’t hear them sometimes…I wonder if it’s the same thing.” His brow furrowed as he thought about it.

“I didn’t hear him at all tonight. Not until I heard that whimper, from these sweet lips only it wasn’t the one of pleasure and I knew. The minute he spoke, I could hear him. God Kitten I am so sorry.”

“It isn’t your fault Edward. You can’t be there to protect me all the time.”

Before I knew what was happening I was naked on the bed with Edward hovering over me. “I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU NOW!” he growled and kneeled between my legs. His hand wrapped around my ankle lifting my leg up to him and he licked up the length of my thigh starting from my ankle. His tongue laved and sucked along the inside of my right thigh. The sensation was so intense my body shuddered and Edward moaned and whispered so fast the words not making any sense but god the feeling of his tongue and the way it moved over my thighs and swept over my skin sent chills through me. I felt my heart speed up as he kept licking at it and sucking the skin of it between his lips moving it along my hipbone, over my pelvic bone and down trailing venom all along my lower body. I would swear he is following something.    

“God…sweet iliac…venae cavae…so close…so sweet…..fucking…mine.” His tongue licked and venom coated my inner thigh and his eyes darted up to mine while his tongue licked and laved over the same spots. “Your blood is singing to me Kitten. I can hear it calling me.”

He was now on top of me as one hand held him up while his other hand reached down gripping his cock and his eyes were looking down between us as he moved it up and down over my overly sensitive clit. His eyes shot up to meet with mine and the longing in them was intense. “Let me change you. Make you mine. Your body is so ready for me Kitten.” He thrusts into me and I cried out. “Edwarddd…ohhhh God baby!!!!!”

“Mine Kitten…you will belong to me. Don’t make me wait.” His voice cracked. “I…I…can’t…wait…”

He thrust into me again and again and his cries to change me were tearing at my heart. I knew I couldn’t make him wait much longer. It was going to have to be soon. He was obviously suffering and the last person in the world that did not deserve to ever suffer another minute was Edward.

“Shh…baby…okay…give me five days…five days to see my parents and then I will let you change me.” I whispered and squeezed around him while his hips moved into me, his eyes gazing into mine. “Really?” He asked a look of yearning so deep my heart ached painfully for him. “Really Bella?” His body slowed in his thrusts.

“Really, I promise.” I squeezed down onto him as I climaxed around him gasping. “Bella…oh god I am coming so fucking slow inside of you like this.” His lips ghosted over mine as he cried into them. “I found you. I fucking found you!” I then felt his cold seed spill into me slowly until we collapsed spent from the most exhausting day of my life...and fuck, I was dying of thirst.

In five days though, I was about to find out what those words really meant.

I guess Afton wasn't the only one that had a death wish.